it's been a while...

So I thought it would be easier to write more often since it's a computer thing but obviously I was wrong...well, since it's been a while I think I have to summarize some recent events...

Let's start with...I hate not having money, but it teaches me trust! Thank God for Shaun's dad...he helped us a lot...what an awesome man! Also thanks to my parents, they're always there for us, I don't know what I would do without them:) We are still struggling financially, and it probably will not end any time soon, so we might as well enjoy what we have, and trust that God will help us to get through all of it. I miss Him! I don't read my Bible, and I can see it's effect on me. Whenever I get angry at someone, or just simply have an issue with a person (which by the way happens all the time) I realize that of only I was closer to God it would easier to deal with those angry feelings or maybe even they wouldn't appear as often. Shaun made a very good point few days ago...I'm not a patient person at all, and it's getting worse...I know that the only person that could help with that is God, but I don't even try to reach Him...why is it so hard?It's not like I don't have time....I do have plenty time...and it's not like I don't like reading the Word...I enjoy it! so why? Once you miss few devotion times, it's so hard to go back to it. But that's not a good excuse...there is never an excuse for not spending time with God. He is always there for us! And we can't even commit 30 min a day to Him! That's horrible! I know I have to make some changes soon...tonight!

Now something about my baby Hudson...he is awesome! In the last month or so he got a new tooth, he started falling asleep on his own in his crib (his crying before falling asleep is getting shorter and shorter), and he doesn't need us to hold his bottle when he's eating, he does it all on his own. He also got to experience the lake for the first time...I think he liked it:) Few days ago we had to baby proof our kitchen because Hudson decided to open the cupboards and take stuff out of them...what a little trouble maker;) He is growing so fast...I like but in the same time I don't because soon he won't need me as much (well maybe not that soon;)). His favorite words are still da-da and wa-wa...he says ma-ma sometimes but not too often. He also makes up his own words which is very funny...they're probably a mix of English and Polish, since I have been speaking Polish to him at home. hmm let me think what else...he eats more and more big people foods...the healthy ones of course:) I can't wait to give him milk:) he absolutely loves mozarella cheese! Well enough about him:) let's talk about me...hehe;)

My husband is awesome...he planned our anniversary and we had a lot of fun...it was so nice to get away and eat and walk without the baby and other people...I loved it! Thank you, baby! We also celebrated my b-day on the 24th of June...later that day I got to go out with my friends and have fun at Applebees...thank you ladies...I had lots of fun!:)
Have I mentioned how awesome Shaun is?;) I don;t know what I would do without him. He loves me for who I am...he helps around the house so much...I don't ever have to worry about the dishes not being done or the trash can overflowing...he helps so much. I think that's how it should be in every family...why does a woman have to do everything alone? we should help each other out:) we should WANT to help each other out. If make breakfast, lunch or dinner, it's because I want to do it for my hubby not because I have to. I have found myself being very opposed to men who think that it's only the wife's job to clean or cook or take care of babies...come on people...it's so disrespectful! I understand if a woman wants to do all of it alone, but if she doesn't help her out. She is not the only one running the family. As far as taking care of babies goes...a guy can change a diaper, make a bottle, give a baby a bath, take it for a walk or offer his wife a night away from the baby...I should have said I guy should also do those things, and not "can do those things"! We need it! Some men drive me crazy and because I state exactly what I think I drive them crazy;) I just don't like when women are disrespected! Oh and what I hate the most is when I guy who works full time, who has a wife that is stay-at-home mom, doesn't appreciate anything she does and keeps saying that she doesn't do nearly as much as he does! Oh when I hear that phrase I suddenly get the desire to punch somebody. Do you men (those who think that) even realize how much work it is to take care of children and the house all alone? I don't think so! I should probably stop here or some people aren't going to like me anymore;)
Shaun is wonderful about it...he knows me so well. Whenever he notices that I am stressed out he tells me to go somewhere alone and relax. Thanks to that I am still sane!:) Some women can do all of it alone and I admire them...I know I can't and that's why God picked the perfect person for me to marry...i love you Shaun! I couldn't have asked for a better husband.

Anyways, just to change the topic...I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately...I really miss my friends from back home. We had such an awesome bond...my best friends is getting married in few weeks and I can't even be there to support her...it sucks! I feel like I am missing out on so many things..I never thought it would be that hard! There are many amazing people here, who are my very close friends, but it's not the same. It's seem like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. I truly miss people from back home, and sometimes I just want to jump on the plane and go home for a while...maybe even forever! It's seems like the longer I'm here the bigger this gap in my heart is getting....I used to think it was going to get smaller with time...I guess I was wrong! Tha hardest part is being away from my family. I can't even watch my siblings growing up or help them in going through adolescence...it sucks! They're coming here in August and I'm so excited to see them! Because of being so far away from home Hudson doesn't even know what it is to be spoiled by grandparents...it's so hard...I don't know what to do about it...how can I make it better?! The same thing is with friends...back home I was somebody's best friend and here I'm not sure I have one...I mean...some say I am but it just doesn't seem like it! I am a people person...without people I go crazy! When I say the word best friend I mean a person who I can always count on.. a person who will know that they can always count on me....a person I can tell everything...a person who I can be honest with...and they can be honest with me...a real person who is not afraid of confrontation, because confrontation leads to a better understanding...I have so many people around and yet I don't feel important...sometimes I feel like if I wasn't here nobody would notice. There are so many people around and yet I feel so lonely...

well, that's it for tonight...

May is over...

May is officially over and I already feel like half of this summer is gone. I got to graduate this year and I am very proud of myself:) My undergradute studies are over...now it's time to look for a graduate school.
We don't really have any big plans for this summer besides working and hanging out with our friends. I don't get to work for various reasons, so Shaun is the main provider:) I'm very thankful for him...he does a great job taking care of our family...even after a long day of work he comes him with energy for me and Hudson. He never forgets to make me feel loved and cared about. Shaun is an amazing husband and dad...I absolutely love watching him playing with Hudson...he does such a good job!
In August my siblings are coming...yeay!!! They will finally meet Hudson...I haven't seen them in a very long time (since our wedding). They will stay with us for two weeks...I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!
A friend of mine (you know who you are:)), made me realize something very important today - no matter what is going on in our lives, no matter how hard it gets, there is always that one person that is there for us - our wonderful GOD!!! We can have nothing, but we will always have God on our side. I used to be able to trust God no matter what...that's what my parents and life taught me! But now it's just hard...we have been dealing with different issues in the past few months, and those who know me know how much difficult situations affect me...I get depressed! It's been so hard to turn to God and let Him lift the baggage of my shoulders...it's funny that something so easy can be so hard to do! If you ever asked me what I hate the most, I would say money...it causes problems whether you have it or not! Before I got married, I never had to worry about paying bills, buying food, or gas. Those things were either unecessary or given to me. Life changed when me and Shaun said our vows:) Things got harder...now we have to be adults. I hate being an adult sometimes...there are just too many responsibilites!!! So...money is always a problem...this summer is extra hard because we don't have a steady job and yet there are still bills, rent, gas, diapers, etc. So what can I do to make it better? Well, I can't work...the best option is to sit down and pray. I need to trust God! I need to know that He will take care of us no matter what. He has been doing it my whole life. So, Michelle, thank you...you became my inspiriation today:)
I was really worried about this summer because a lot of my friends and neighbors left, and I felt very lonely at times, but as the first few weeks went by I realized that this will just give me an opportunity to get to know better those friends that stayed around. There will be campfires, lake days, and other fun stuff...so get ready people...well, let's wait for some nicer days, since it hasn't been too warm lately:) I also realized that since I am not able to work I should use my time to hang out with my little baby boy Hudson...we discovered Diamond Point Park by BSU and we love it! Hudson can play in the sand, and swing a little. We spent few hours over there on Saturday and it was wonderful!
Well, I want to keep writing but it's so late, that I think I'm going to sleep...I will write more some other time...