So i forgot about few things...

I was just reading my last few blogs and realized that the one from February had some prayer requests and that most of them were answered. I will start with my Green Card...I have it!!! The interview was easy and I guess I was more prepared than most people are:) But that is just me...I always have to have my bases covered. So now I'm officially a permanent resident of this country. In May I was also hired at Walmart and as some of you might wonder why I would work there if I have a BA in Psychology....well, Spearfish is pretty small therefore there aren't many places that could use someone with my degree. I actually like my job...our Walmart in town is new and the people that work there are nice. And i also love love love make people happy which I get to do every time I work. So as long as I get to influence someone's life I'm satisfied:) Another prayer answered was Hudson's cough...we went to the doctor and he finally got over it. Yay God!:) One of the most important prayer requests was about friends and it was definitely answered. I have an amazing circle of friends here in Spearfish...they even threw me a Green Card party!!!! It was awesome!!! It is definitely a lot harder to make time to hang out because everyone has their responsibilites but that just means that we are more intentional with our time together. God has definitely done some amazing work in my life since we've been here. I've been up and down and He has always been there for me! So were my friends! So thank you guys!!! I love you!!! I have also made some friends at work which is an awesome ministry field because very few of them are Christians. So yea...that is it as far as prayer requests go...on a different note...today has been a very good day so far...I woke up in a good mood with lots of energy! YAY for a good day!

wow....a lot has changed!

Since i haven't written anything for a long while, this might a long one!!! I should probably start with....we no longer work for Mountain View Church....due to a split Shaun resigned from his position. It was a very nasty situation and we are still trying to get over it and move on...unfortunately it isn't as easy as I thought it would be! Every time I drive by that church I hurt! Shaun wasn't the only one that resigned...he followed the rest of the staff. Many people left and we all started a new church in town called Grace Fellowship. It has been an awesome experience so far besides the fact that it all happened so fast that I didn't have enough time to get over the split. Honestly....I don't know how to! Every Sunday I go to church and I feel alone because everyone seems so happy and I'm so not! And even though I've been told to just focus on the positive that is not how I deal with pain! Because if I don't work through the negative it will only be put away for later and one day it will all blow up! I wish people weren't so afraid to talk about the crap in their lives, because maybe then people like me wouldn't feel alone in this big world! I have felt like this the whole summer...and I used to think that even though depression runs in my family it wouldn't never catch up to me. But it did and it sucks! I don't want to get up in the morning and when I do....physically have no energy to do anything. Doing simple tasks like getting Hudson a sippy are exhausting. I don't even enjoy shopping and those who know me this is not normal. I hate hate hate feeling like this...lately I've found myself looking forward to going to work because people who I work with say what is on their mind and if something sucks they don't cover it. And when we talk about church they say why they don't go there and you know what...I totally understand! They are sick of fake...and I'm getting sick of it too! How are we supposed to process through things and become real friends if hardly anyone talks about their REAL lives. I don't believe that there is a person who has it all figured out and their life is perfect. I don't! I used to cover things up...I was always the one who no matter what was smiling because thinking postive was the right to do! Well look where it got me....I'm in this black hole and can't get out of it! I have tried so many things...eating better, exercising, doing things I enjoy, focusing on the positive, etc.....because I was told it would help...it hasn't yet! I just want someone to listen and not judge me for what I'm feeling...it's ok to through crap...it's normal to go through crap...we are humans...life sucks sometimes! And I don't want hide my true feelings anymore...this is me...take or leave it!

new chapter...

As always it's been a while between my blogs...we've moved and we love it!!! Our new home is so spacious and cozy and the area is beautiful. I love Black Hills!!! For the last 4 weeks we've been very buys painting and decorating, and I'm ready to be done. There is still a lot to do, especially in the basement but that will take a while. Shaun has been adjusting to his new job very well...he absolutely loves it. I'm finally going to youth group this Wednesday...it's going to be great, because the kids are amazing!!!

We do have a few prayer requests...
1. Hudson has been sick for the last 7 weeks and we finally took him to the doctor today. He didn't know what is going on, because all Hudson has is a cough...no other symptoms. We got antibiotics for Hudson, so please pray that they would help. We want his relief and also we don't have an insurance yet, so it could get very expensive.

2. My Green Card interview got rescheduled and I don't know what the date will be. It's been a stressful process for me and I just want it to be over.

3. JOB!!! I need a job...once you move away from college, there are all these expenses that you didn't have before...and I need a job ASAP. I don't want to take just anything...mainly because I don't want to hate going to work every day. It also needs to have health benefits because we can't afford paying $400 for insurance every month. It's been hard to think about having to leave Hudson at a daycare or with Shaun in the evening, because I actually started to like being
stay-at-home mom. Hudson has been so much happier since we've moved that he doesn't give me a reason to want to leave anymore:) So please pray for peace for us and for God's provision. We are already tight with our budget and soon we will have to start paying loans off and that scares me. I have these little panic attacks when I start freaking out about money and not being able to pay for necessities. We are blessed with a house in which we can live for free which is a big relief for us. Please, pray that God would give me peace about everything and that he would help me to be ok with going to work and not having to worry about leaving Hudson.

4.Building new friendships...I'm such a people person, and not having neighbors that I can just stop by anytime is hard. I miss our girl events like crazy. Women need to vent and the best way to do that is to talk to other girls. I've met amazing women here and it's very fun to hang out with them, so please pray that I would be patient as it takes time for friendships to grow.

5. I really miss home-Poland!!! And it drives me crazy that I can't just go there whenever I want to. Tickets are so expensive and I need my passport which I can only get in Chicago, which would make a long trip. Please pray that all of my paperwork, including passport would be done soon and that God would provide for tickets. I haven't seen my family in so long and Hudson hasn't even met his great grandparents. It makes me sad every time I think about it!

We have been extremely blessed with the people that sourround us here, with a great house, great weather (for most part) and beautiful sorroundings. God is great! Sometimes we tend to forget to turn to him, and that's when things get crazy!!! Let us remember that He is always there for us!!!

so much has happened....

I can't believe it's December already!!! This last semester went by so fast. I will start with the most important...we are moving!!! Shaun got a job as a Youth Pastor at Mountain View Baptist Church in Spearfish, SD. It's been a long process but it was worth it. We have definitely grown in our faith and patience. Spearfish is beautiful and the church we will be working with is amazing. We fell in love with the people the first time we got to visit it. Just recently we went there again to meet the church. It was an amazing weekend, and we didn't want to leave. Yesterday the church voted, and everything went well. We are so excited!!! December 19th will be our last day in Bemidji, so I have lots of packing to do:) Part of me is sad and scared. This is all I know about living in US. The whole time I've been in this country I spent at schools. Now I get to be an adult. Also, I have to leave my friends:( We have grown so close in the last few years and now we have to say goodbye...but I guess that's life. It will be hard but I also know that there are wonderful people waiting for us in Spearfish.

I can't believe I have been in this country for five years...there have been so many changes. I have changed...I grew up!!! There have been so many people that I met who influenced my life in many ways. I got to finish college...a Christian college!!! With a degree I always wanted...I married the most amazing men and we have the cutest baby boy. I can't believe I'm a wife and a mother...and now I will be pastor's wife...it's so weird to think about it, because just yesterday I was wondering what it would be like to be 25!!! We are starting a new chapter of our life and we need your prayers...Please pray for our new life in Spearfish...I need to find a part-time job...and Hudson might need to go to daycare...please pray that Shaun would get accomodated in his new job quickly and that I would also accomodate to being pastor's wife:) We would appreciate your prayers...

Something else new...I finally got my Green Card interview scheduled for January...yay:) So you can pray about that too...that it would go well!!!

we're back...

This last month has been full of craziness and excitement!!! First me siblings came and we had tons of fun and few arguments here and there, but who doesn't have those;) I miss them already!!! We definitely don't get to see each other often enough. During their time here we had two b-day parties for Hudson. One of them was a double celebration with Sam who is only one day younger that Hudson. They had lots of fun and got a looooottttttttttt super cool gifts. Thanks everyone!!! I will send Thank You cards once we settle...hehe;)
Then my family left:(...
And last Saturday we traveled to SD for Shaun's interview at a church in Spearfish. At first we went to Sioux Falls where we met the pastor of the church and his wife and sons. We got to stay with a very nice family! We also got to go to LifeLight ( a huge music festival) at which we hang out with our dear friends from ND and OK :) On Sunday we headed to Rapid City, where we stayed with Bob and Meagan (our other friends). Monday and Tuesday we mostly spent in Spearfish which by the way is beautiful. It's when you get away from lots of people and big cities when you get to truly see the beauty of God's Creation!!! I mean I love my "city"!!! I need stores to shop at...hehe:) But Rapid City is close enough:) And Spearfish is just so peaceful. We think the interview went well, but we don't know what God has in store so now we just have to wait. The pastor and his family, the search commitee and the staff, were so welcoming and nice, that it felt like home. Shaun flatened his mohawk for the interview because we all know that some people might not like it or get offended by it so just in case he didn't spike it that day, and it's funny because everyone was dissapointed that he didn't have it up:) I mean usually churches want you to put a very nice shirt on, act overly mature or simply they tell you you're not old enough to be a youth pastor, but this one accepted Shaun for who he is. So this is a little prayer request...pray that God would give the church and us the right direction...no matter what it is, He will make sure it's the best for everyone!
On the other note, if you have kids, just to warn you, traveling for long hours is horrible! Hudson is at that age when he doesn't want to just sit in his seat for hours and hours. He would like climb, crawl, or run around. We had to take a lot of breaks so he could stretch out, we usually just stopped at a mall that had a play area for kids. He loved it! Also get a dvd player for a car, that was very helpful...Hudson loves his Veggie Tales, and I do too:) I think me and Shaun had this one dvd memorized by now;) Well that's about it for now..if you want to know more you know where to find me...at home or Target...hehe;)....jk....

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately...

I'm bitter...and I know I shouldn't be but today this is just how I feel...I put a lot of effort into my friendships because I truly believe that if you want to have friends you can't just expect to receive, you have to give too! So I come up with these ideas of how to bring the girls together so we can get away from daily worries and just hang out without kids, without husbands, just us silly girls!:) I make sure that we all know what's going on so nobody feels forgotten because I know how it feels! Isn't it normal to expect others to treat you the way you treat them?! Especially your closest friends! Well, I think it is! And yet I get a "slap in the face"! It hurts and I'm not sure how to handle it. I come up with an idea and someone else takes it and doesn't even care that I can't participate or simply assumes that I couldn't. I'm not sure I have felt that hurt in a long time! I usually try to be strong and get through stuff but this is different because it's not the first time it has happened. So this is it!

it's been a while...

So I thought it would be easier to write more often since it's a computer thing but obviously I was wrong...well, since it's been a while I think I have to summarize some recent events...

Let's start with...I hate not having money, but it teaches me trust! Thank God for Shaun's dad...he helped us a lot...what an awesome man! Also thanks to my parents, they're always there for us, I don't know what I would do without them:) We are still struggling financially, and it probably will not end any time soon, so we might as well enjoy what we have, and trust that God will help us to get through all of it. I miss Him! I don't read my Bible, and I can see it's effect on me. Whenever I get angry at someone, or just simply have an issue with a person (which by the way happens all the time) I realize that of only I was closer to God it would easier to deal with those angry feelings or maybe even they wouldn't appear as often. Shaun made a very good point few days ago...I'm not a patient person at all, and it's getting worse...I know that the only person that could help with that is God, but I don't even try to reach Him...why is it so hard?It's not like I don't have time....I do have plenty time...and it's not like I don't like reading the Word...I enjoy it! so why? Once you miss few devotion times, it's so hard to go back to it. But that's not a good excuse...there is never an excuse for not spending time with God. He is always there for us! And we can't even commit 30 min a day to Him! That's horrible! I know I have to make some changes soon...tonight!

Now something about my baby Hudson...he is awesome! In the last month or so he got a new tooth, he started falling asleep on his own in his crib (his crying before falling asleep is getting shorter and shorter), and he doesn't need us to hold his bottle when he's eating, he does it all on his own. He also got to experience the lake for the first time...I think he liked it:) Few days ago we had to baby proof our kitchen because Hudson decided to open the cupboards and take stuff out of them...what a little trouble maker;) He is growing so fast...I like but in the same time I don't because soon he won't need me as much (well maybe not that soon;)). His favorite words are still da-da and wa-wa...he says ma-ma sometimes but not too often. He also makes up his own words which is very funny...they're probably a mix of English and Polish, since I have been speaking Polish to him at home. hmm let me think what else...he eats more and more big people foods...the healthy ones of course:) I can't wait to give him milk:) he absolutely loves mozarella cheese! Well enough about him:) let's talk about me...hehe;)

My husband is awesome...he planned our anniversary and we had a lot of fun...it was so nice to get away and eat and walk without the baby and other people...I loved it! Thank you, baby! We also celebrated my b-day on the 24th of June...later that day I got to go out with my friends and have fun at Applebees...thank you ladies...I had lots of fun!:)
Have I mentioned how awesome Shaun is?;) I don;t know what I would do without him. He loves me for who I am...he helps around the house so much...I don't ever have to worry about the dishes not being done or the trash can overflowing...he helps so much. I think that's how it should be in every family...why does a woman have to do everything alone? we should help each other out:) we should WANT to help each other out. If make breakfast, lunch or dinner, it's because I want to do it for my hubby not because I have to. I have found myself being very opposed to men who think that it's only the wife's job to clean or cook or take care of babies...come on people...it's so disrespectful! I understand if a woman wants to do all of it alone, but if she doesn't help her out. She is not the only one running the family. As far as taking care of babies goes...a guy can change a diaper, make a bottle, give a baby a bath, take it for a walk or offer his wife a night away from the baby...I should have said I guy should also do those things, and not "can do those things"! We need it! Some men drive me crazy and because I state exactly what I think I drive them crazy;) I just don't like when women are disrespected! Oh and what I hate the most is when I guy who works full time, who has a wife that is stay-at-home mom, doesn't appreciate anything she does and keeps saying that she doesn't do nearly as much as he does! Oh when I hear that phrase I suddenly get the desire to punch somebody. Do you men (those who think that) even realize how much work it is to take care of children and the house all alone? I don't think so! I should probably stop here or some people aren't going to like me anymore;)
Shaun is wonderful about it...he knows me so well. Whenever he notices that I am stressed out he tells me to go somewhere alone and relax. Thanks to that I am still sane!:) Some women can do all of it alone and I admire them...I know I can't and that's why God picked the perfect person for me to marry...i love you Shaun! I couldn't have asked for a better husband.

Anyways, just to change the topic...I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately...I really miss my friends from back home. We had such an awesome bond...my best friends is getting married in few weeks and I can't even be there to support her...it sucks! I feel like I am missing out on so many things..I never thought it would be that hard! There are many amazing people here, who are my very close friends, but it's not the same. It's seem like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. I truly miss people from back home, and sometimes I just want to jump on the plane and go home for a while...maybe even forever! It's seems like the longer I'm here the bigger this gap in my heart is getting....I used to think it was going to get smaller with time...I guess I was wrong! Tha hardest part is being away from my family. I can't even watch my siblings growing up or help them in going through adolescence...it sucks! They're coming here in August and I'm so excited to see them! Because of being so far away from home Hudson doesn't even know what it is to be spoiled by grandparents...it's so hard...I don't know what to do about it...how can I make it better?! The same thing is with friends...back home I was somebody's best friend and here I'm not sure I have one...I mean...some say I am but it just doesn't seem like it! I am a people person...without people I go crazy! When I say the word best friend I mean a person who I can always count on.. a person who will know that they can always count on me....a person I can tell everything...a person who I can be honest with...and they can be honest with me...a real person who is not afraid of confrontation, because confrontation leads to a better understanding...I have so many people around and yet I don't feel important...sometimes I feel like if I wasn't here nobody would notice. There are so many people around and yet I feel so lonely...

well, that's it for tonight...